I am holding this dream in my hands
but it feels like it is running through my fingers like sand
I keep all you gave me
on my mind to carry on.
I walk through empty streets
so I can hide my tears in the rain
and my soul in the dark
I'm counting again the scars on my heart
tending those that are still wide open
I am looking to gain back my light
I must hide myself until then
because I don't want my dark to devour you
although we are in this path together
mirroring each others, so it said.
And, I now am wondering, who is actually in the dark
and hiding.
Look now, who is near to you
in front of that wall
unable to take a leap of faith
and you find me there with you
In this cold empty space
the walls are coming closer
I am building them again with all my fears
brick after brick
and I want to run, run away
and leave them behind
but wherever I turn I see other walls
and I don't have anymore the power to tear them down
How I end up here again?
I traveled through thousands lives
keeping searching, knowing I find you
each time on my path
loosing the gap on dreams and words along the way
Now on my knees
in front of this wall
I feel the heaviness of every choice we've made
and I just want you to hold me
assuring me you are behind it
to not give in
but,
the sadness is killing me using my fears as weapon .
Thousands of thoughts poison your heart
feeding your fears
and you feel
the sword of Damocle hanging on you.
Every time it is coming closer
you wonder when it will hit
you feel already the cold blade slowly sever
there is no way out, nor back neither forward
everything is still, suspended.
You close your heart and soul
freezing everything that try to pass through
is the survival instinct
but don't you see that you are freezing yourself too?
Would you see the light again?
Would you feel the warmth again?
Don't let your heart die lonely and alone.
We are made from the same matter of the stars
let your flames shine bright
just feel the bliss of the universe .
Stand up now brave knight
cut the chains which keep you imprisoned,
you no longer need them
you have been through this before
let the sword be the tool for your victory
not the cause of your defeat.
Hello everybody
how is going?
Here is everything quite calm. The poetry anthologies will see the light soon, both from different projects one is supposed to come out in this month and the other at the beginning of the next year.
In the meanwhile I am still collecting ideas, now that I have 1 week holiday I really have to write them in the book, in my computer, because at the moment they are all in my block notes, yes you red right..I still write my books first on paper. 😀
Now that autumn comes I will feel a lot more the need to write, autumn is the favorite season for my creativity .
The Music, my other passion...
Friday 13th the new 69eyes cd WEST END came out. The 30 years anniversary cd of the 69EYES.
I went at the autograph session at the Levykauppa Äx, in Helsinki with my friend Zoila, friday the 13th; she bought the cd right there after listening it in the background, and after the wonderful surprise that Helsinki Vampires gifted to us, a close and magic acoustic performance.
I have been listening it a lot and it goes straight on my 69Eyes' top record list. I love they went back to vampires and witches.
There are maybe 1 or 2 tracks that I like less but I love the whole packet, bluray dvd included, which is, btw, the 30 years histrory of the Helsinki's Vampires, a real pearl indeed.
I will write surely a review this week in the blog between the writing of my new novel, for now I can tell that may absolut fav tracks are:
Black Orchid, of course, Jyrki has hit, my soft spot with this Burn Witch burn Change, well this has hit me more than Black Orchid...I had the goose bumps when I listened to it the first time, so there are vibes that are in harmony with mine in there Outsiders which I adore.
I really recommend this cd, but most of all, I recommend that you buy the cd, and not use only the free platforms to listen to it and, go to see them live. I assure you, your money are well spent, because live, they give all and you feel it, I have never left a 69EYES concert disappointed...and I follow them since 2001....
This is it for now...here I leave you with the 4th single from West End cd, feat. Dani Filth
Two horns up!🤘🤘🧛🧛 click and enjoy!
So...
17 yes ago I was in Budapest at the Pepsi Sziget festival, it was 2002, and I saw The 69Eyes live for the first time.
I remember the one song which touched my heart, it was Sleeping with lions.
Well, there, on that song, I got my first bite...
The video I decided to put, to remember this day, is Brandon Lee, because I feel this song very near to my heart as well, and it is Tammerfest 2002. Probably was some days before or after Budapest....
The sun is shining warmly
everybody is laughing
on the shore of the lake
I see my pattern and smile as well,
just one direction in my thoughts.
I was the runner and now I am on the run
Feeling I am going nowhere
but still running.
Love could be magic
and sometimes start as a pinball game.
You are the plunger
and like a crazy ball I strike on the playfield
hitting every corner and bumper.
Skilled players know how to manipulate the game
in order to direct the ball towards a certain path.
Now,
I hope you know how to keep the game going
because I don't want to end as a game over.
Patience is not one of my virtues
and you are in my mind
no matter where I go or stay
So,
I dream my time away
we are together
wishful thinking I guess
but now I feel the warm on me.
Strike, hit and tilt
you won this game long ago.
Did you know?
I carry all your secrets under my skin
and seal everything with this my last kiss.
The air around me still feels like a cage
and I feel I cannot breathe
my heart beat so fast that echoed in my hears
it was just yesterday I told you my farwell.
Now I feel empty and confuse
but I cannot cry, and I don't know why.
Maybe because although was a closure
it was yet again beautiful
like the first time when everything started.
How a farewell can feel beautyful?
Maybe because it wasn't a farewell after all.
I love you enough to let you go
but you cannot actually walk away from someone
if your soul had decided to stay
so I run away before you know
wearing my smile as better as I could
while deep inside I was at war with my feelings.
I let you at your fate
and break myself on the way
you gave me up to play safe
leaving me on my own
hanging on a hope.
Angels lie to keep control
but I am not an angel after all
and if you still care
don't ever let me know.
As many knows my books ORPHEUS, the awakeming ,Orpheus saga vol.1 and IL DEMONE DELLO SPECCHIO, the Unleashing, Orpheus saga vol.2 were published by the Italian publisher LETTERE ANIMATE, which has announced, will close in May 2020.
We were given options, but I have decided to retrieve all the copyrights back, so, the books are not anymore available in any format, in any bookstore and selling sites.
They will comeback to life some point, also because is a trilogy and the third chapter hasn't been published yet. There will be changes, because I will surely made another edition and publish them as self publisher.
It has been an hard journey because I wasn't content at all with the publisher and I would have retrieve anyway this year the copyrights and cut my contract with them, so it was something that was going to happen. There has not been promotion in any way, and my books and many others were like forgotten , selling was difficult, because there was not support at all from Lettere Animate.
So...we learn by our own mistakes, and I've learned that my books deserves better, also if this mean go back to self publishing.
Well, it went like it went, I thank you all whose bought the books and has left me reviews, and also those that have red them without comment, I hope you have enjoyed.
My journey continue, in different paths, I am working at 2 new books , but I cannot say when I will publish them and how, but I am still writing.
Keep read me here and on my other channels , I will update when will be news, and anyway I am still composing poems. 😊
Well...
Is a grey rainy day and I am pondering things...and I am looking for a clearance...and also a closure somehow.
You know, I am in a path in which I am finding out my connections with the Universe.
Has been a year or so that I am digging within myself, growing, seeding and I start now to really see fruits of what I have seeded, and they are far away of what I have expected.
This is the point.
We always expect something, we concentrate in those expectations that we can't see the path changing; and we are disappointed because things didn't went like your expectations were, and take some time and lot of energy, to understand that the path meant for you was there, has been there all the time, or you think so...you hope this time you are in the right one, because only the idea to find yourself in the same wrong path scared you more than hell itself, and of course...unsureness is walking just beside you.
There was a particular situation which took me away a bit, and took more to understand that I was completely wrong, paths and patterns, emotions I wanted to feel so much that I believed my own illusions until the facts, the reality, struck me right on my face, and I fell apart, but maybe also this was meant to go like this. I am a poet and a writer, often pain is the the nourishment of what I write.
I am a dreamer, always have been and always will be and this is what often put me in troubles; but there is always a lesson, you think the Universe bring to you that lesson, and say loud "oh yes that was is that was the Universe" well maybe, but mainly you bring pain and disappointments to yourself. The Universe just show it to you. I have learned it and learning it, not in an easy way...but this is how it works, is it?
And here comes the lesson, those for me were just diamonds and rust and the reason because today I feel this song in a way that I have never felt before, is just this, and he...he was the ghost...
In this new path there is no ghost, you are not a ghost...you have never been, you have always watching in silent, knowing maybe that at one point I will understand, well if it is so; you have to have had in me a big faith, more than what I had in myself... but it is again another IF, so I am not going there now, not again.
So I say to you, " I love you dearly, but if you'll offering me diamonds and rust, I don't want them anymore. I have already paid"; like the song said, and that was what I have to understand.
So Today I have found myself in this. Some time ago I would have called it coincidence, but not today.
We continue to call them coincidences, when something happen or you noticed in a particular moment, for example when you are going through something which is changing you deeply, better hopefully, and that particular song appear somehow in a channel that you are following; you then decide to listen it again, go to pay attention at the words because the song this time makes you cry and shivered. You have listen it before without having this side effects. You read then carefully and realize you are just on that situation described by the lyrics...although the moon is going dark, and it is just when she is dark that show you her powers...
Well...the reality is that those are signs of how powerful and strong we can be, although everything seems falling apart, if only we pay more attention at what surrounded us, maybe we won't have to bare so much pain all the time, but ...the most important lessons comes from the pain and the disillusion.
I'll be damned, here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you decided to call
And here I sit, hand on the telephone
Hearing the voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall
But we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Yes we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Now I see you standing all around and snow in your hair
Now we're smiling out the window of the crummy hotel over Washington Square
Our breath comes on white clouds, mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me, we both could've died then and there
Now you're telling me you're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You were so good with words
And at keeping things vague
'Cause I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes, I love you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust, I've already paid
But we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Yes we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Don't want no more diamonds, diamonds and rust
I want to believe that is not my obsession
which flows where only desires dare.
My brain is burning
my defenses are down
and I feel vulnerable
afraid that everything will vanished
in the very moment I will say the words.
I cannot bare anymore the pain
I don't know what to do
confusion has put its roots in me
questioning everything that I have believed in.
The dreams once were my shelter
now they are delusions in disguised
filling me with scares and scars
leading me astray.
Don't give up on me
I write the lines you want me to, with the words. I dare to use of all the ones that you have taught me, along the years. You cast a perfect shadow on the paper. Fade away with sunlight, I fear the way you know me, love can leave a stain... You steal my only hope and make me stay awake another night. I wish you bear with me, stay near me.
When the autumn leaves have fallen. Solitude, my pain, the last thing left of me...
If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
Seven lonely lies written on Deadwinter's night, open the only book with the only poem I can read... In blood I sign my name and seal the midnight with a tear. Burn the paper, every line for them I cried...
If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
I am the Playwrite and you are my Crown, make me cry for your love, like you've done many times, so I know. I can't write these storylines without you, lady pain, make me strong, can't we be together without them forever...
The words I write can only hurt you, sorry for the rain. Thank you, my only one, you gave me this pain...I leave you gently on the floor, take one step towards the door. Where's the letter never written, good night now...
If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
