I was sitting in a garden. It was a peaceful place from where I could see the old Santa Maria dei Servi Church, listening to music, I had found that place just for a chance, and I didn't even know if I was allowed to sit there. It wasn't a private space, no signs were there, it was a garden, quite a savage one, but still felt like home.
One day I was all in my thoughts, maybe I was in a way, praying, asking to whoever was listening, why I couldn't find the love that my soul was so desperately looking for. That kind of deep, true, to live and die for. The kind that I know existed; I had it somewhere along the line of the time, in every of my lives. The soul never forget, she just get blurred along the way.
18 years later I still remember that silent prayer, wondering who was listening; and...
I am shifting into a new cycle, that is the main reason of my silence, like you have noticed for sure if you have red the last poems.
When changes occurred, is necessary to withdraw within yourself, this I did.
I have changed my job so also my schedule has changed and it takes time to adjust to the new rhythm, but today is Mabon, and when Mabon starts; I start to work again in what make me feel happy, so writing, learning more and more about tarots, poetry, reading.
I have noticed that I become more active when Summer turn into Fall, Fall into Winter, and Winter into Spring.
So in July I did a thing...yes...I have published my second poetry book. It is in English of course, and in a way it summon the changes I have had in the last years.
What I love of my book it is that come from the soul, and it is the journey where I have been in since 2011, a soul journey of looking for, finding and acknowledging, unconditional love.
Yes, here we go again, I have told you, I am in a spiritual journey, so that is of course the theme of my writings, in my goth...ish style but this is it.
The book is indeed divided in 3 blocks, with beautiful art at the beginning of each block, and about 80 poems total.
Block 1: LONGING
Block 2: STRUGGLE
Block 3: AWARENESS
Why this?
Well, have you ever listen of what your soul wants to say to you? I do all the time, I couldn't write poems if I didn't, so when you listen at your soul, you start to hear also your heart and you understand that although everything is ok, you still feel the longing, you feel that something is missing.
You know that you are bonded to someone, because everything turns to you like this, you find stories about the red string which bond you to your other half, you see signs, dreams of some old memory of another life, that take you always there to him, mostly when you don't looking for them, causing always those ahaa moments, so you start to dig in this because maybe you want to write a story about that, and you start to see some peculiarities, a pattern, that you didn't see before, and you realize you didn't feel the longing if you have already what your soul desire. So...is it only a researching for my upcoming novel or...?
Well absolutely the OR...
What then? Well, you STRUGGLE, because your world go upside down, because you thought you have it already and when you realize you haven't, comes the struggle in finding what your soul long for, what she truly desires, quoting a well known Lucifer Morningstar, and there you find yourself in a journey that you have neither think about it...and I mean ever; where all your fears come to surface, because your soul know who is the other half, he has always been there when you were doing everything else, when you were confuse, you notice he was the only thing that was always present, stable, that made you feel good always, but you didn't think about him in that way, so comes doubts, comes insecurities comes the question am I going insane? Am I imagining everything because I am in the middle age crisis although I don't want to acknowledge it? And your soul whisper “No you are not...this is happening now because it has to happen now...” so you dig deeper, you find mediums, channellers, maybe that person that you started to notice advise you a book of Ram Dass “BE HERE NOW” and you feel the pull to go to check it and you buy it, and in reading it you find out that you have been in this strange journey already a while, and you understand that everything is unfolding, and you become AWARE, but here, with the Awareness everything begins. Did you really think that was the end of the journey?
Well you know now, it was only the beginning and things will go deeper, some more difficult, challenging, frustrating some time, well often I must say, but is all part of the journey to the alignment.
So this book is my baby steps in this journey, and I am still travelling...so more poems will appear, and someday I will be able to walk the way I should...
The poetry book is BEFORE THE DAWN...AFTER DUSK. You can find it in every internet store, paperback and ebook, and on demand you can order from your favourite bookshop worldwide.
Once upon a time I lived in a little hut in the forest of Yorkshire. It was many lives ago; not far from one of the cities where an infamous annual fair took place. I went there every year to trade my goods in exchange of what I needed to survive for the winter. In my basket there were always Lavender, Parsley, Sage and Thyme.
I myself cultivated them to make potions, oils, soaps and mojo bags to attract abundance and virtues.
Surrounded by these perfumes I walked among the people, in my most beautiful dress. I traded these creations of mine for bread, eggs and cheese.
When winter was approaching, I traded them for wool, which I used to sew clothes that would keep me warm and covered. The woods provided for everything else, because I was devoted to him.
At the market, I admired the arts of blacksmiths and wood and wax workers, dreaming of a devoted love. So I waited, and waited and waited, but nobody really ever came.
The years passed I became a young woman courted by many, really wanted by nobody, because I was a witch and for this reason an outsider that soon they will burn at the stake, pretending to forget everything I have done for them, but that is another story.
I thought that there had to be love out there for me too, I sighed at the Moon every night as I continued to grow these spices perpetually.
I had always talked to her about everything. She listened to me like a mother, smiled at me like a friend, encouraged me as a woman, during Her phases.
Slowly, however, I lost this conviction, and I didn't speak to the Moon of love anymore, also because if I looked around, I didn't find any love, not what I believed has to be love: unconditional.
Every year for the Beltane festival the market was my regular destination.
I carefully prepare my table with all my goods. I used to carved also little amulets in wood, but, they only wanted this or that potion.
Young women of marriageable age usually sought love, as if inducing someone to love you, was the main task of a witch, but I had to eat, and I made them potions, with sage, parsley, lavender, rosemary and thyme.
Love cannot be traded, and one's will, cannot be induced by someone. You love me and me only, yes, but for how long? Do they really knew what love was? I would have liked to know because I had no clue, I thought each time that I putted my energies in what they demanded for.
One day a man approached my table. I heard people whispering that he was a warlock and he hadn't visited the market for years, that year his visit shocked everyone. Many believed that he was dead.
He was a hermit, nobody knew his past nor where he had come from; and I remember seeing him once as a child, but my memory was out of focus. But his energy...He had an energy that deep in my soul I knew very well.
His clothes were dark and he wore a hood that covered part of his face. For some reason I couldn't stop my heart for beating too fast.
He was tall for what I could see, with long hair of the same colour as the night.
Black trousers wrapped around his hips and legs, a black shirt open on his chest showed that, if he was the same man I had seen as a child, he had not aged a day.
Around his neck he wore a medallion with a black wolf on it.
Looking at my herbs he said:
"Lavender, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme ..."
"Yes, Sir. I grow them myself ... "
"They remind me she, who once was, the true love of mine ..."
"Oh, You talk to the past …"
"Time has no importance for those like me... past, present and future cancel each other and entwined in their static nature..."
It was at that moment that raising his head from my table, he looked at me with the eyes of the colour of the blue of the sea, and I remembered , he, who once was, the true love of mine.
“Lavender, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme; will always make me find the path that will lead me to you, because I am your true love. Lavender will protect you during my absence. Parsley will comfort you. Sage will give you strength. Rosemary is the love you will need to forgive me, and the thyme will be the courage of both, but above all mine, to return. "
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
is the street you think to walk alone
until you notice to be surrounded by clones
disguised as dim shadows, shapeless.
Is there the line, to catch the last ticket
to the next stop: Self Pity.
Didn't you know is free
for those who deserve the visit?
Don't stumble on those broken bricks
the one behind, is ready to run over you.
You feel heavier
every step you take, slower
while all your chances pass you by
heavier, slower,
every mistake you made, now you carry
heavier, slower, frozen
your soul is cracking
on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
Thousands of thoughts poison your heart
feeding your fears
and you feel
the sword of Damocle hanging on you.
Every time it is coming closer
you wonder when it will hit
you feel already the cold blade slowly sever
there is no way out, nor back neither forward
everything is still, suspended.
You close your heart and soul
freezing everything that try to pass through
is the survival instinct
but don't you see that you are freezing yourself too?
Would you see the light again?
Would you feel the warmth again?
Don't let your heart die lonely and alone.
We are made from the same matter of the stars
let your flames shine bright
just feel the bliss of the universe .
Stand up now brave knight
cut the chains which keep you imprisoned,
you no longer need them
you have been through this before
let the sword be the tool for your victory
not the cause of your defeat.
As many knows my books ORPHEUS, the awakeming ,Orpheus saga vol.1 and IL DEMONE DELLO SPECCHIO, the Unleashing, Orpheus saga vol.2 were published by the Italian publisher LETTERE ANIMATE, which has announced, will close in May 2020.
We were given options, but I have decided to retrieve all the copyrights back, so, the books are not anymore available in any format, in any bookstore and selling sites.
They will comeback to life some point, also because is a trilogy and the third chapter hasn't been published yet. There will be changes, because I will surely made another edition and publish them as self publisher.
It has been an hard journey because I wasn't content at all with the publisher and I would have retrieve anyway this year the copyrights and cut my contract with them, so it was something that was going to happen. There has not been promotion in any way, and my books and many others were like forgotten , selling was difficult, because there was not support at all from Lettere Animate.
So...we learn by our own mistakes, and I've learned that my books deserves better, also if this mean go back to self publishing.
Well, it went like it went, I thank you all whose bought the books and has left me reviews, and also those that have red them without comment, I hope you have enjoyed.
My journey continue, in different paths, I am working at 2 new books , but I cannot say when I will publish them and how, but I am still writing.
Keep read me here and on my other channels , I will update when will be news, and anyway I am still composing poems. 😊
Well...
Is a grey rainy day and I am pondering things...and I am looking for a clearance...and also a closure somehow.
You know, I am in a path in which I am finding out my connections with the Universe.
Has been a year or so that I am digging within myself, growing, seeding and I start now to really see fruits of what I have seeded, and they are far away of what I have expected.
This is the point.
We always expect something, we concentrate in those expectations that we can't see the path changing; and we are disappointed because things didn't went like your expectations were, and take some time and lot of energy, to understand that the path meant for you was there, has been there all the time, or you think so...you hope this time you are in the right one, because only the idea to find yourself in the same wrong path scared you more than hell itself, and of course...unsureness is walking just beside you.
There was a particular situation which took me away a bit, and took more to understand that I was completely wrong, paths and patterns, emotions I wanted to feel so much that I believed my own illusions until the facts, the reality, struck me right on my face, and I fell apart, but maybe also this was meant to go like this. I am a poet and a writer, often pain is the the nourishment of what I write.
I am a dreamer, always have been and always will be and this is what often put me in troubles; but there is always a lesson, you think the Universe bring to you that lesson, and say loud "oh yes that was is that was the Universe" well maybe, but mainly you bring pain and disappointments to yourself. The Universe just show it to you. I have learned it and learning it, not in an easy way...but this is how it works, is it?
And here comes the lesson, those for me were just diamonds and rust and the reason because today I feel this song in a way that I have never felt before, is just this, and he...he was the ghost...
In this new path there is no ghost, you are not a ghost...you have never been, you have always watching in silent, knowing maybe that at one point I will understand, well if it is so; you have to have had in me a big faith, more than what I had in myself... but it is again another IF, so I am not going there now, not again.
So I say to you, " I love you dearly, but if you'll offering me diamonds and rust, I don't want them anymore. I have already paid"; like the song said, and that was what I have to understand.
So Today I have found myself in this. Some time ago I would have called it coincidence, but not today.
We continue to call them coincidences, when something happen or you noticed in a particular moment, for example when you are going through something which is changing you deeply, better hopefully, and that particular song appear somehow in a channel that you are following; you then decide to listen it again, go to pay attention at the words because the song this time makes you cry and shivered. You have listen it before without having this side effects. You read then carefully and realize you are just on that situation described by the lyrics...although the moon is going dark, and it is just when she is dark that show you her powers...
Well...the reality is that those are signs of how powerful and strong we can be, although everything seems falling apart, if only we pay more attention at what surrounded us, maybe we won't have to bare so much pain all the time, but ...the most important lessons comes from the pain and the disillusion.
I'll be damned, here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you decided to call
And here I sit, hand on the telephone
Hearing the voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall
But we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Yes we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Now I see you standing all around and snow in your hair
Now we're smiling out the window of the crummy hotel over Washington Square
Our breath comes on white clouds, mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me, we both could've died then and there
Now you're telling me you're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You were so good with words
And at keeping things vague
'Cause I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes, I love you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust, I've already paid
But we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Yes we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Don't want no more diamonds, diamonds and rust
was the year 2001 and the Universe putted everything il the right order...
17 years have passed and I really hope that the Universe will put everything soon in the right order again, we need a closure to open anther cirle, another chapter, this time, at the same level....
Jyrki Linnankivi is known
in Europe and in the world as Jyrki69, the lead singer of a Finnish
gothic band The 69EYES and the rock band The69Cats. He has come out
recently, as Jyrki 69 with his solo cd The Helsinki Vampires, and he
is an Ambassador for Unicef.
I 've followed the 69EYES
since 2002, and when I read the news that Jyrki had written a book,
therefore an author like myself, I was very curious. Why?
Because I was sure it
would not be the usual biography that, nowadays, is so popular among
more or less famous artists, I knew it would be different because of
what he had said in his interviews during the promotion tour. It was
going to be a long trip that he wanted to tell on the basis of his
experiences; in fact, here in Finland, the book is found in section
”Matkailu” as known as: Travel.
A large part of the book
is dedicated to his travels in the USA where he still returns at
least once a year. He likes Elvis and rock and roll, he loves music
and he has always been curious about what was going on in that field,
and in those days, when he was in his twenties, the USA was a step
forward, and the need to travel there whenever he could, was strong
and exciting.
I haven't ever been to the
USA, although I was going to get my degree in
Anglo-American, language&literature; a dream that I had to give up
on for economic reasons, but also a dream that I haven't completely
given up on, and right back in the year 2002, when I first met Jyrki
in Bologna in a Gothic bar named Transylvania at a private party, I
was studying the beat generation, Jack Kerouac and his ”On the
Road”; a book that is often mentioned by him in his book and
interviews. A book that probably changed his life,as it changed mine,
the only book, along with Memnoch the Devil, by Anne Rice that I put
it in my suitcase when I decided to move to Finland, leaving behind
me my entire library of hundreds of books, and I'm not just saying
that, I had been an assiduous reader my entire life up to that
point. When you decide to embark on a journey, you choose with whom
you want to take it, and I took Jack Kerouac and Anne Rice. The first
because I wanted to get my degree in Anglo-American, and I wanted to
do it with an essay on the Beat Generation and Kerouac, so, it will
always be a reminder, in case I forget that I wish to achieve this
one dream, and the other to remember my roots.
And by the way, we share a
similar experience at the same age, he with the Jack Daniel's and me
with the Tequila, so I couldn't not laugh when I read it.
But back to Jyrki and his
”Kulkurin Valssi”. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, the book it's written in Finnish so it took me a little longer than
usual to read it. I loved his style, and I learned new Helsinki's
slang words, for example it took me 20 pages at least, to understand
that ”gimmat ” means girls! I liked the first-person narrative,
and most importantly I was delighted to discover that, excluding the
States, we were in London and Berlin during the same period, both on
different trips. Like him, I am very close to London, especially
because of my roots, my mum is English, so I was fortunate to have
wonderful aunts who lived in London, especially my Aunty Su, who made
me experience London like no Italian would ever be able to do. Jyrki
was driven by his love of music, and London has always been a crucial
hub for music, like Berlin, I was guided by my roots and for me when
I go back, it always feels like going to one of my several ”homes”,
and the emotion is always present.
What I had always seen as
huge, like the Tower of London and, the Tube, has new dimensions and
the town itself is amplified. It amplifies the way I walk on those
stones, everything is changing or has changed, and yet I feel I
belong to that city anyway, and he does too.
Berlin is another city to
which I feel an affinity and, by reading it with his eyes, I found
myself sharing in that cab, or walking in front of the Zoo, his same
thoughts and reflections. It was a unique experience for me the trip
to Berlin, when traces of the wall were still visible on the asphalt,
and when the photos of dead Jews, in black and white, were in an
outdoor photograph exhibition in front of those 300 m of wall still
standing, with the remains of the watching towers and the barbed wire
on the ground. I cried that day, because until that moment in my
life, what had happened in WW 2, I had only read about in history
books, and despite the dates, it seemed so unreal, so distant, and
there were real pictures, hitting me straight in the eyes and soul.
To see this evidence of that part of history in front of my eyes,
was like a cold shower, a frozen one.
Paris is the city that I
haven't yet visited, and I read the chapter devoted to it eagerly,
with a bit of envy, in a good way of course; but the most delicious
dish of the dinner, is always left for last, and I will visit Paris
when the time comes and Jim Morrison's grave, drinking some red wine there like he did.
Rome ... well, Rome is the
city where I was born. I walked out of those streets where he walked
many times, each time as if it were the first. I visited the
Protestant Cemetery, where I put my red rose on the grave of Keats. I
read the verses of Shelley at his tombstone, not because I was a
goth, in those years in Italy there were Paninari and Darks, I was
dressed in black and wore purple lipstick, but I listened to Duran
Duran and Alphaville, my goth period arrived later; but evidently the
blood was already there, it already ran in my veins ...
The part of the book that
I loved particularly is the final part, dedicated to his Africa,
where he was as an Ambassador for Unicef. I found the chapter on
Voodoo very interesting, and agree that certain things it's better
not to know sometimes, and Alphonso did well indeed not to tell you
Jyrki. I have read and reread this part dedicated to Africa because
between the lines I perceived his soul, his growth as a human being,
which lead me to want to meet him again at a distance of 15 years. I
don't think he remembered me, at the book fair in Helsinki last
September, and how could he? 15 years are a long time and changes are
inevitable. That distant 24 October 2002 we were seated one behind
the other, I was with my friend Eva talking all night with Bazie, we
were his guests at that party.
Congratulations Jyrki. I
loved Kulkurin Valssi, and I hope to read a new book of yours soon.
