Well...
Is a grey rainy day and I am pondering things...and I am looking for a clearance...and also a closure somehow.
You know, I am in a path in which I am finding out my connections with the Universe.
Has been a year or so that I am digging within myself, growing, seeding and I start now to really see fruits of what I have seeded, and they are far away of what I have expected.
This is the point.
We always expect something, we concentrate in those expectations that we can't see the path changing; and we are disappointed because things didn't went like your expectations were, and take some time and lot of energy, to understand that the path meant for you was there, has been there all the time, or you think so...you hope this time you are in the right one, because only the idea to find yourself in the same wrong path scared you more than hell itself, and of course...unsureness is walking just beside you.
There was a particular situation which took me away a bit, and took more to understand that I was completely wrong, paths and patterns, emotions I wanted to feel so much that I believed my own illusions until the facts, the reality, struck me right on my face, and I fell apart, but maybe also this was meant to go like this. I am a poet and a writer, often pain is the the nourishment of what I write.
I am a dreamer, always have been and always will be and this is what often put me in troubles; but there is always a lesson, you think the Universe bring to you that lesson, and say loud "oh yes that was is that was the Universe" well maybe, but mainly you bring pain and disappointments to yourself. The Universe just show it to you. I have learned it and learning it, not in an easy way...but this is how it works, is it?
And here comes the lesson, those for me were just diamonds and rust and the reason because today I feel this song in a way that I have never felt before, is just this, and he...he was the ghost...
In this new path there is no ghost, you are not a ghost...you have never been, you have always watching in silent, knowing maybe that at one point I will understand, well if it is so; you have to have had in me a big faith, more than what I had in myself... but it is again another IF, so I am not going there now, not again.
So I say to you, " I love you dearly, but if you'll offering me diamonds and rust, I don't want them anymore. I have already paid"; like the song said, and that was what I have to understand.
So Today I have found myself in this. Some time ago I would have called it coincidence, but not today.
We continue to call them coincidences, when something happen or you noticed in a particular moment, for example when you are going through something which is changing you deeply, better hopefully, and that particular song appear somehow in a channel that you are following; you then decide to listen it again, go to pay attention at the words because the song this time makes you cry and shivered. You have listen it before without having this side effects. You read then carefully and realize you are just on that situation described by the lyrics...although the moon is going dark, and it is just when she is dark that show you her powers...
Well...the reality is that those are signs of how powerful and strong we can be, although everything seems falling apart, if only we pay more attention at what surrounded us, maybe we won't have to bare so much pain all the time, but ...the most important lessons comes from the pain and the disillusion.
I'll be damned, here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you decided to call
And here I sit, hand on the telephone
Hearing the voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall
But we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Yes we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Now I see you standing all around and snow in your hair
Now we're smiling out the window of the crummy hotel over Washington Square
Our breath comes on white clouds, mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me, we both could've died then and there
Now you're telling me you're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You were so good with words
And at keeping things vague
'Cause I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes, I love you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust, I've already paid
But we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Yes we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Diamonds, diamonds and rust
Don't want no more diamonds, diamonds and rust
I want to believe that is not my obsession
which flows where only desires dare.
My brain is burning
my defenses are down
and I feel vulnerable
afraid that everything will vanished
in the very moment I will say the words.
I cannot bare anymore the pain
I don't know what to do
confusion has put its roots in me
questioning everything that I have believed in.
The dreams once were my shelter
now they are delusions in disguised
filling me with scares and scars
leading me astray.
Don't give up on me
I write the lines you want me to, with the words. I dare to use of all the ones that you have taught me, along the years. You cast a perfect shadow on the paper. Fade away with sunlight, I fear the way you know me, love can leave a stain... You steal my only hope and make me stay awake another night. I wish you bear with me, stay near me.
When the autumn leaves have fallen. Solitude, my pain, the last thing left of me...
If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
Seven lonely lies written on Deadwinter's night, open the only book with the only poem I can read... In blood I sign my name and seal the midnight with a tear. Burn the paper, every line for them I cried...
If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
I am the Playwrite and you are my Crown, make me cry for your love, like you've done many times, so I know. I can't write these storylines without you, lady pain, make me strong, can't we be together without them forever...
The words I write can only hurt you, sorry for the rain. Thank you, my only one, you gave me this pain...I leave you gently on the floor, take one step towards the door. Where's the letter never written, good night now...
If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
If you fall I'll catch, if you love I'll love, and so it goes, my dear, don't be scared,
you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
I'm drifting gloomily through time All my powers waste away I fear the crazed and lonely look the mirror's sending, not of me. I surrender the voices They gather on the wind Talkin, chanting, breathing into my body and yesterdays are the ways of tomorrow. Why you stare at me saying bleed well? Help me rise instead. I can't ever keep from falling apart at the seams And you're taking my heart piece by piece leaving my soul agonized, demanding for yours. Heartless or heartkiller? A radio tune, I swear I've heard before, and I'm lost in a snow filled sky stranger in a strange land, wondering who do you need, who do you love when you come undone? And dreams playing me endless deja vus. Back to square 1 and repeat.
was the year 2001 and the Universe putted everything il the right order...
17 years have passed and I really hope that the Universe will put everything soon in the right order again, we need a closure to open anther cirle, another chapter, this time, at the same level....
You know I've never been in love, just read some books about it
You know I've never been with you before
But we can meet each other soon to taste a moment lost in time
The touch of fading memories
So if you want me in your life I swear I won't forsake you
And play this tune to all the fools who fly where angels fear to tread
Just call me and I'll make it, I'll fill the black holes in your heart
Just call before you break it
Just call me and I'll make it, I've been around right from the start
Just call me and I'll take it to keep it save …
I know you better than myself, I've been around for so long
Your posters hanging on my wall – untouched
And all these bitches in your life, they made me sick and tired
I locked them up inside my mind, so deep
And now the time has come for you and me to keep our promise
This is your lucky day, the hunter's captured by the game at last
– “I love you” – said the little Prince.
– “I want you too” – said the rose.
– “Is not the same” – he answered.
To want, is to take possession of something, someone. It is to search in others those things that fill the personal expectations of affection, of company. Wanting is to make ours, what does not belong to us, it is to take ownership or desire something to complete us, because at some point we recognize we are lacking.
To Love is to wish the best for the other, even when it has very different motivations. To Love is to allow you to be happy, even when your path is different from mine. It is a selfless feeling which is born in a donation, is giving ourselves completely from the heart.
When we Love, we give ourselves without asking anything in return, just for the simple and pure pleasure of giving. But it is also true that this hand over, this giving, selfless, occurs only in the knowledge. We can only love what we know, because loving involves jumping into the void, trust the life and soul. And the soul is not compensated. And knowing is just to know yourself, your joys, your peace, but also of your anger, your struggles, your mistakes. Because love transcends the anger, fights, errors and it is not just for moments of joy.
To Love is a full confidence that whatever happens, you will be, not because you owe anything, not with selfish possession, but being, in silent company.
To Love is to know that the weather does not change you, nor the storms, or my winters.
To Love is to give you a place in my heart for you to stay, as father, mother, brother, son, friend, and know that there is a place in yours for me.
Giving love does not exhaust the love; on the contrary, it increases it. The way to give back so much love is to open your heart, and let you be loved”.
– “I already understood” – said the rose.
– “Don’t understand it, live it”- said the little Prince.
”The poet's hand
write the theme with care
when the night still hides the withering dawn
and love is what she finds
although the shadow
shapeshift into a wolf.”
I have always doubt what I was feeling
the songs you were singing
hide the key
but I didn't have the locks
or either The Gatekeeper yet.
I have always been a traveller
blessed with the gift of the seer
but looking for certainty all the time
too unsure of everything.
In the past year I wondered without you.
Try to find a meaning of this life, this thing...
wondering if what I saw and feel, was real in this plan too,
or just there,
where I couldn't neither touch you the way I needed and need
wondering about my choices;
is confusing, you know,
it hurted to wait and see nothing happen.
Left me hopeless,
thinking is just me, but missing heavily what we had
scared to have lost it all.
Those nights have been cold
my eyes were blind
but now I know, you never left my side
silently waiting for me to feel you again.
I did...I do...but blindness is confusing, you know....
I know you could give me only that
it wasn't and it isn't enough
you know this too now...
Maybe you neither knew what you where doing
and why you always find yourself there, with me,
a perfect sranger probably, but so familiar, so alike
Was it a trick of your mind?
Too good to be true...
No, I assure you, it was real
and you probably have get it before me.
Is it scary, isn't it?
Well I read you...
Come near now, I am waiting you to hold me
in this carcace full of limits
You know I would surely stay
”When the time is right you say”
and I am now waiting, to hold you...
Hello everybody!
I write this post to let you know that I am not disconnected, not at all, but, this blog has born because I love to share with you mostly my poems and I like to keep it like that.
Well, since when my father died 2 years ago, for me it has been quite hard find the inspiration to write poems, my kundalini is just blocked.
I know poems are there and they will comeback some point, hope soon. I just need a sign which will unlock what the mourning and the sorrow have locked, so now and then hope you will anyway check in here, maybe some day you will find a surpraise and I really hope so.
In the meanwhile ... if you want to leave a greet, I will be very happy, just a smile on the comment will make the difference.
Jyrki Linnankivi is known
in Europe and in the world as Jyrki69, the lead singer of a Finnish
gothic band The 69EYES and the rock band The69Cats. He has come out
recently, as Jyrki 69 with his solo cd The Helsinki Vampires, and he
is an Ambassador for Unicef.
I 've followed the 69EYES
since 2002, and when I read the news that Jyrki had written a book,
therefore an author like myself, I was very curious. Why?
Because I was sure it
would not be the usual biography that, nowadays, is so popular among
more or less famous artists, I knew it would be different because of
what he had said in his interviews during the promotion tour. It was
going to be a long trip that he wanted to tell on the basis of his
experiences; in fact, here in Finland, the book is found in section
”Matkailu” as known as: Travel.
A large part of the book
is dedicated to his travels in the USA where he still returns at
least once a year. He likes Elvis and rock and roll, he loves music
and he has always been curious about what was going on in that field,
and in those days, when he was in his twenties, the USA was a step
forward, and the need to travel there whenever he could, was strong
and exciting.
I haven't ever been to the
USA, although I was going to get my degree in
Anglo-American, language&literature; a dream that I had to give up
on for economic reasons, but also a dream that I haven't completely
given up on, and right back in the year 2002, when I first met Jyrki
in Bologna in a Gothic bar named Transylvania at a private party, I
was studying the beat generation, Jack Kerouac and his ”On the
Road”; a book that is often mentioned by him in his book and
interviews. A book that probably changed his life,as it changed mine,
the only book, along with Memnoch the Devil, by Anne Rice that I put
it in my suitcase when I decided to move to Finland, leaving behind
me my entire library of hundreds of books, and I'm not just saying
that, I had been an assiduous reader my entire life up to that
point. When you decide to embark on a journey, you choose with whom
you want to take it, and I took Jack Kerouac and Anne Rice. The first
because I wanted to get my degree in Anglo-American, and I wanted to
do it with an essay on the Beat Generation and Kerouac, so, it will
always be a reminder, in case I forget that I wish to achieve this
one dream, and the other to remember my roots.
And by the way, we share a
similar experience at the same age, he with the Jack Daniel's and me
with the Tequila, so I couldn't not laugh when I read it.
But back to Jyrki and his
”Kulkurin Valssi”. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, the book it's written in Finnish so it took me a little longer than
usual to read it. I loved his style, and I learned new Helsinki's
slang words, for example it took me 20 pages at least, to understand
that ”gimmat ” means girls! I liked the first-person narrative,
and most importantly I was delighted to discover that, excluding the
States, we were in London and Berlin during the same period, both on
different trips. Like him, I am very close to London, especially
because of my roots, my mum is English, so I was fortunate to have
wonderful aunts who lived in London, especially my Aunty Su, who made
me experience London like no Italian would ever be able to do. Jyrki
was driven by his love of music, and London has always been a crucial
hub for music, like Berlin, I was guided by my roots and for me when
I go back, it always feels like going to one of my several ”homes”,
and the emotion is always present.
What I had always seen as
huge, like the Tower of London and, the Tube, has new dimensions and
the town itself is amplified. It amplifies the way I walk on those
stones, everything is changing or has changed, and yet I feel I
belong to that city anyway, and he does too.
Berlin is another city to
which I feel an affinity and, by reading it with his eyes, I found
myself sharing in that cab, or walking in front of the Zoo, his same
thoughts and reflections. It was a unique experience for me the trip
to Berlin, when traces of the wall were still visible on the asphalt,
and when the photos of dead Jews, in black and white, were in an
outdoor photograph exhibition in front of those 300 m of wall still
standing, with the remains of the watching towers and the barbed wire
on the ground. I cried that day, because until that moment in my
life, what had happened in WW 2, I had only read about in history
books, and despite the dates, it seemed so unreal, so distant, and
there were real pictures, hitting me straight in the eyes and soul.
To see this evidence of that part of history in front of my eyes,
was like a cold shower, a frozen one.
Paris is the city that I
haven't yet visited, and I read the chapter devoted to it eagerly,
with a bit of envy, in a good way of course; but the most delicious
dish of the dinner, is always left for last, and I will visit Paris
when the time comes and Jim Morrison's grave, drinking some red wine there like he did.
Rome ... well, Rome is the
city where I was born. I walked out of those streets where he walked
many times, each time as if it were the first. I visited the
Protestant Cemetery, where I put my red rose on the grave of Keats. I
read the verses of Shelley at his tombstone, not because I was a
goth, in those years in Italy there were Paninari and Darks, I was
dressed in black and wore purple lipstick, but I listened to Duran
Duran and Alphaville, my goth period arrived later; but evidently the
blood was already there, it already ran in my veins ...
The part of the book that
I loved particularly is the final part, dedicated to his Africa,
where he was as an Ambassador for Unicef. I found the chapter on
Voodoo very interesting, and agree that certain things it's better
not to know sometimes, and Alphonso did well indeed not to tell you
Jyrki. I have read and reread this part dedicated to Africa because
between the lines I perceived his soul, his growth as a human being,
which lead me to want to meet him again at a distance of 15 years. I
don't think he remembered me, at the book fair in Helsinki last
September, and how could he? 15 years are a long time and changes are
inevitable. That distant 24 October 2002 we were seated one behind
the other, I was with my friend Eva talking all night with Bazie, we
were his guests at that party.
Congratulations Jyrki. I
loved Kulkurin Valssi, and I hope to read a new book of yours soon.
Hallo my darlings!
I haven't disappeared and I haven't stop writing. I did lot of readings for my italian blog where I review books, and work at my own too.
The last months have been very busy because I had to complete the second book of the trilogy Orpheus, which will be out in a few days, so the Publisher told me.
The trilogy, which at the moment comprehend only 2 books, the third is an on going work, will be available only in italian at the moment, although I am planning to translate it in english as well, but as you certainly know it will be a long process, the only short way is to catch the attention of an international publisher but you know me..I rather prefer to fly low, and this is why I am planning to translate it by myself. 😏
Poetry has been in a stand by, travelling somewhere in the core of my soul, is better don't push if the inspiration is not there so...let's wait, I know she will knock at my door when she will be back...
So this is it at the moment.
For those who crave more news of me and my doings, here is the link at my italian blog, where I update more ofetn, but not everyday as a blogger should do...😉 http://dianamistera.blogspot.fi/
The Helsinki Bookfair is in about a week, I will go on sunday the 29th..so...I hope to have news after that and maybe some pictures.
Have a nice day, and stay tuned, I promise to keep this blog update more often. 💛💗💖
